


the warmth of hands

by the_sunshine_dims



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hiding Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Logan and Roman are mentioned, Touch Deprivation, Touch-Starved Morality | Patton Sanders, also POF is mentioned, and i'm not ganna delete the typo becuase i'm lazy and idk man, mentioned depression, moxiety - Freeform, possible pre-moxiety, repressing feeling, touch deprecation, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26867926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sunshine_dims/pseuds/the_sunshine_dims
Summary: Patton doesn't want to bother them, but, Virgil cares for patton and wants to help
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 101





	the warmth of hands

Patton knew what touch starvation was, he also knew it really wasn’t good. But he didn’t want to bother the others no matter what.

Plus Roman probably wasn’t his biggest fan currently, and Logan didn’t like a lot of physical, Janus and Remus probably weren’t comfortable with him enough to help him (he wasn’t sure he was comfortable enough with them yet either), and Virgil would probably get overwhelmed by contact and Patton doesn’t want that.

He supposed he should at least tell someone since it’s gotten to the point of sleeping with around eighteen stuff animals pressed to his chest and in the middle of them a heating pad and his self hatred and depression has gotten worse because of the abundant lack of contact and he doesn’t get out of his bed a lot-

But he didn’t want them to feel forced to hug him more- even if that would feel heavenly- he didn’t want to be selfish.

Suddenly his thoughts are interrupted and he hears a small hesitant knock on his door and he internally winces at the noise, but he scrambles to the door regardless and when he opens it he finds Virgil, nervously scrolling through his phone, but once Virgil notices the door opened enough to reveal Patton he ended up pocketed it in favor of speaking.

“I’m just reminding you of the movie night tonight,” he told him hesitantly, shifting his stance carefully.

_ Of course Virgil still wants the sense of normalcy from the movie nights even after the recent episode. _

Patton just plasters a smile on his face “thanks for reminding me kiddo! I’ll be sure to be there!!”

But for some reason a second after Virgil nodded he looked up at patton and seemed to be inspecting him, which he could definitely say didn’t feel the best, being looked at that suspiciously.

Patton just tries to keep his smile as he questions him “something wrong there, kiddo?” He tried to keep his voice from wavering before going “is there something on my face?” and self consciously touching his face.

“No-” he responds before he seems to Think about the first question for a bit before just looking him in the eyes,

“What happened?”

Patton almost breaks but internally scolds himself that Virgil would feel responsible if Patton tells of the most recent tough patch he’s been going through.

So he just keeps his smile plastered on his face and avoids the eye contact. “nothing that I know of kiddo!” He lies, and He hopes Janus wouldn’t hear him and call the lie out, especially in front of Virgil.

But after a second of hearing no rising up he thinks he’s safe, and Virgil- well Virgil seems to be inspecting again- and oh- suddenly virgil grabbed Patton’s hand- and virgil's hands were so warm-

He internally scolds himself to not show how much the touch makes him feel absolutely exhilarating and to just try and act like his normal happy pappy self and-

Wait a moment, Virgil moved his hand, he misses the contact immediately and focuses on Virgil again who seems more concerned now, and at first he doesn’t know why because he swore he quickly recovered, but luckily virgil tells him “you zoned out for like a full minute.”

Okay that’s definitely not good. Virgil is concerned and now has a reason besides vague suspicion which means it’ll be a lot harder to shake him off- but he just doesn’t know what to do anymore, he wants cuddles and attention or  _ anything _ even the smallest scraps of contact but he doesn’t want to make them worried for him.

He tries to put on another smile and hopes that it’s not totally see-through as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly “sorry kiddo! I don’t know why that happened!” He tries.

And virgil just stares at him again concerned, before seeming to realize Patton won’t give up easily and will need reasons that virgil won’t leave because of,

He sighs and begins playing with his hoodie strings “it’s a nervous habit for you to use kiddo that much, you use it every so often but you're always nervous when you use it in  _ every sentence,  _ also pat, I can literally tell how nervous you are and that somethings wrong.”

Patton freezes before just sighing and weakly going “I’m sorry”

Virgil is quick to grab Patton’s hands again, he knows after a bit of trial and error that Patton’s love language is physical touch so it might help him be persuaded to allow them to comfort him.

But then Patton just freezes once again, staring at the interlocked hands.

_ Virgil's hands were so soft and warm and nice and he missed that warmth so much just one more moment he missed Virgil so much. _

Honestly Patton would’ve probably allowed himself to stand there forever with just the sensation of skin contact if not for The knowledge that he was supposed to convince Virgil he  _ was  _ okay

So despite himself he pulled his own hands away and tried to come up with an excuse, wrapping his arms around himself, honestly it was a wonder virgil still wanted to talk to him since he accepted Janus much less actively wanted to try and help him.

But Patton didn’t want him to feel bad that Patton even did get touch starved, he knows Virgil internalizes almost anything that he could have hypothetically prevented.

And suddenly after a moment of trying to avoid eye contact his gaze flickered to virgil's face and he was so concerned- he sighs “Virgil I promise I’m fine” he tried in a last attempt to get Virgil to not be concerned, he knew it wasn’t ganna work but it was his last idea.

“If you were fine how come you zoned out the second I touched you?” Virgil seems to pause as he slowly pieces stuff together before continuing “and why did you seem to zone out every time I touched you?”

Patton looks down uncomfortably “I don’t know..” he lied “I guess that’s just something that happened..?” He tried and he could see that Virgil did not believe it, he couldn't blame him.

Virgil sighed and then spoke more softly “patt, please, just tell me what’s wrong”

Patton’s heart hurt at how concerned Virgil was, and he knew touch deprivation (especially with the added perks of his other mental issues getting worse) wasn’t a good thing but he doubts it’s  _ that  _ big of a deal and Virgil doesn’t know what it is so he’ll keep getting more concerned when it’s just a small issue ( _ wait if it was a small issue wouldn’t he just of told him? He’s sure he should’ve if it was that small of any issue.) _

He opens up his mouth to try and say something but when he looks Virgil in the eyes he sighs “it’s not a big issue Virgil… it’s just some dumb touch starvation.. don't worry kiddo, I promise I'm fine.”

Virgil stared at him incredulously, but with a lot of added gentleness and concern. “Patton that is a ‘big’ issue, especially with with your other stuff, that could really damage you, that’s not ‘dumb’”

Patton shifts uncomfortably in Virgil's gaze and he almost laughs at the irony, it’s usually the other way around, normally Patton is worrying about Virgil and Virgil is the one shifting uncomfortably at the love and concern.

Suddenly though Virgil lifts a hand as an offering and Patton, confused, takes it, happily absorbing the warmth.

“Okay so i may not be Logan so I’m not the best at planning but, I think we should go to the the common room, no ones there yet if they do end up going there at all for movie night, because I don’t think your room will have a good impact on me and visa versa so..” he paused and allowed himself to offer the tiniest smile “how's that sound?”

Patton allows himself to give a real smile, he doesn’t know what Virgil really means but the care in his voice makes him nod and once he’s gotten that confirmation he’s nervously guiding Patton by the hand to the commons. 

Luckily it’s not a long walk at all and when they get there they discover no one else lounging about,

So Virgil just gently plops Patton onto the couch and makes himself busy getting a couple blankets before sitting with him and just opening his arms in silent invitation 

After a minute Patton does and he knows he missed hugs and oh  _ God _ does he just melt into Virgil's chest and Virgil just gently puts his chin on the top of Patton’s head “this time I’ll help you and not vice versa. We miss you baby blue, and we want you to be legitimately happy and not just acting happy, deal?”

Patton nods and whispers a soft “deal” into Virgil's chest, and Virgil can tell Patton will be okay, not right now, maybe not even soon, but eventually he will be okay.

  
  


Later the two were found asleep curled up together by Roman and Logan who came down for movie night.

  
  



End file.
